The Fast and the Flubbery: Momiji's Mystery
by Hyper Riceball
Summary: Momiji decides to be a detective and investigate a mysterious pile of poop! PLZ R&R! NEW CHAPTER FINALLY UP!
1. Squeal For The Jury

DISCLAIMER: All of the cute and fuzzy and not so cute and fuzzy people in this story don't belong to me! EXCEPT THAT RABBIT! MWAHAHA! But the others belong to Takaya Natsuki. Thank you! ^_^  
  
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The Fast And The Flubbery: Momiji's Mystery! GIDDYAP! YEEHAH! Okay, there's no Giddyap or Yeehah in the title.  
  
One splendid day, in the splendid house of the splendid Sohma family, Momiji Sohma stumbled upon something splendid. "Splendid!" he squealed. (Okay, I'm done with the word splendid now). It was fluffy and yellow and it had two long ears. "I wonder what it could be!" Momiji squealed. So he ran into the mainhouse where everyone was for some reason and showed it to Haru. "Lookee, lookee, Haru!" he squealed, "I found something alive in Hatori's garden! But I don't know what it is!"  
  
Hatsuharu Sohma sighed. "Honestly, Momiji, shouldn't you know what a rabbit looks like?"  
  
Momiji squealed, "A rabbit? Why would I know what a rabbit is?"  
  
"Because," Haru replied patiently, "You're the Year of the Rabbit."  
  
"I am?" Momiji squealed with delight. "I feel so special today! I'm the Year of the Rabbit!" And with that remark, he did a little Irish jig in front of the world.  
  
But unfortunately for our squealing Momiji, Haru went black and THEN saw this Irish jig! "What do you think you're doing, Momiji? I hate Irish jigs!" So Black Haru kicked Momiji out the window and Momiji landed in a pile of poop! It was a very LARGE pile of poop at that. "Hmm." he squealed. "I wonder where this poop came from! It's awfully large!" As if a gigantic pile of poop were a message from God, Momiji started laughing and rolling around in it, until he realized something and a little lightbulb went on his head and it was too bright so he started having seizures from it so he turned it off. "What could make such an enormous mound of manure?" he squealed, since the only thing he CAN do is squeal.  
  
Momiji then decided it was time to bring out Detective Momiji! So he went into a phonebooth, twirled around a few times, and came out in a detective suit! Complete with earmuffs! "Okay," Momiji squealed, "It's time to get on the case and search for clues. First, I'll search inside the mainhouse where everyone else is! Our culprit must be in there!" So he scampered into the mainhouse. He saw Yuki Sohma first.  
  
"Yuki!" Momiji squealed, "I am Detective Momiji! I'm here on an investigation!" Yuki lifted an eyebrow. "Um, Momiji, what is all over you? You're filthy and you stink!"  
  
Momiji looked himself over. "Oh," he squealed, "Well, I found this tremendous pile of poop outside, so I decided to roll around in it." "Why?" asked Yuki.  
  
"Because it's poop! That's what you do with poop! Anyways, back to my explanation. As I was rolling in the poop, I realized something as I twitched on the ground having a seizure! Who or what made this poop pile? So I pondered it a bit then got dressed into this uniform and I'm on an investigation now to find out the answer."  
  
"Well then, start with the basic clues. Where did you find the pile of poop?" Yuki asked, trying to help.  
  
Momiji thought for a moment. "Aha!" he squealed, "It was outside Akito's window! Akito must've laid that chalupa!" And with that, he zoomed off to find Akito.  
  
"Wait," said Yuki. "That's not such a good idea!"  
  
"Shut up, Junior, it's evidence," Momiji squealed as he speeded away.  
  
Momiji located Akito hanging over his window as usual. "Aha!" Momiji squealed, "I've found you, Akito Sohma! Did you lay that enormous pile of poop?"  
  
Akito just looked at Momiji as if he were the stupidest person alive. Which, he probably was, next to Britney Spears. "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"  
  
Akito decided to hit Momiji. So he did. After doing his annoying little cry, Momiji squealed, "Ha! It must've been you! The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime!"  
  
Akito didn't know what the hell Momiji was talking about, and he didn't even know the crime he was accused of committing. So Momiji told him the story. Or rather, squealed him the story. Then Akito went into one of his psychotic mood swings and punted Momiji all the way over the rainbow with a bunch of little singing prepositions from Schoolhouse Rock cheering him on.  
  
Momiji decided right then and there as he was flying over the rainbow that Akito was not the culprit but he COULD just as well be a football player with a kick like that.  
  
When Momiji finally touched the ground, he had landed in Hatori's garden. "Hmm, it feels as if I've been here before.IT'S A DÉJÀ VU!" But then he remembered this is the place he had found.the rabbit! The rabbit could've made that pile of poop!  
  
He scurried back to the mainhouse to where he had left his beloved bun-bun. But to his surprise, KISA WAS HOLDING IT!!!! AND PETTING IT TOO!!!  
  
"Hey, that's MY hopper," Momiji squealed like Cera on the Land Before Time.  
  
"I saw it first," Kisa retorted just so they could keep the Land Before Time scheme going, since they're the type who watch and enjoy those movies like complete morons, which also means that since I wrote this story and know the script to the Land Before Time by heart, I am a complete moron.  
  
Momiji pulled the rabbit's arms, while Kisa pulled the rabbit's feet, and then the rabbit EXPLODED. No, it really didn't. That would be mean and despicable for those reading this who loves bunnies, but then again, it would make my friend Rei reading this a lot happier. HI REI!!!! The rabbit just snorted in pain. And don't say, "Hey, wait a minute, rabbits don't snort," because I wrote this story so I say that rabbits snort.  
  
Suddenly, Hiro came up and pushed Momiji. "What do you think you're doing?" asked Hiro. "This is Kisa's rabbit. She saw it; she gets it."  
  
Momiji turned to Hiro. "Aha! You must be working for that rabbit! And you're trying to give the rabbit to Kisa so I won't discover your evil scheme. Well, I'm on to you!" he squealed.  
  
"Huh?" Hiro huhed.  
  
"Unless.unless I'm wrong about the rabbit and YOU were the pooper, Hiro Sohma!" Momiji squealed.  
  
"Poppycock!" Hiro replied, even though that isn't something Hiro would say; I just wanted to use that word in this story somewhere because it reminds me of Mary Poppins AND MARY POPPINS ROCKS.  
  
Since Hiro can somehow hear my every remark, he magically pulled a black umbrella out from behind his back and floated away with it, Kisa holding onto his leg, and the rabbit holding onto hers. Now, please stop and picture the scene I just described to you.  
  
Momiji stood there awestruck for a moment then realized he should follow the three fugitives, so he too grabbed a black umbrella out of nowhere AND THE CHASE WAS ON!  
  
Hiro and company floated about fifteen feet away from our hero Momiji. They were going faster too since they were getting better wind and since they're the antagonists at the moment.  
  
Momiji kicked his feet in the air trying to go faster. He looked down. "Wow, I can see my house from here!" he squealed because EVERYBODY says that when they're high above the Earth, even if they can't.  
  
"MWAHAHA!" Hiro yelled like an evil Disney villain, "YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!" Then the Narrator decided she's using too many clichés so she stopped.  
  
Momiji panted. He'd never reach them! And to make his luck worse, the real Mary Poppins flew by on her magic umbrella and bumped into Momiji, sending him AND her hurtling toward the ground. They both fell through the mainhouse roof and landed SMACK DAB, IN THE MIDDLE! of the dining hall where everyone was. Except Hiro, Kisa, and the rabbit of course because they're floating away on an umbrella.  
  
All of the Sohmas stared for a minute at Momiji, then noticed Mary Poppins and ran over to hug her and get her autographs. Momiji took this opportunity to run outside, and when he looked back, there was a passed out Mary Poppins on the floor and a bunch of animals, Kagura, Rin, and the Hatori who hadn't hugged Miss Poppins. But as for our hero, he's still looking for Hiro! Cool, a pun!  
  
So, did you enjoy it? This is only my second fic ever, so it kinda sux.-_- But oh well! Review please! I'm working on my next chapter! ^_^ 


	2. Football Fun and UFO Smoothies

DISCLAIMER: Fruits Basket, Momiji, and all other Fruits Basket characters in this product are the respective property of Takaya Natsuki. All events in this story are fictitious, and any relation with real characters or circumstances is purely coincidental. (Beat THAT disclaimer.pretty professional huh?)  
  
Sorry how for how long it took to update this. I've been busy working on my "romance" fic, which is taking up a lot of my time. If you don't remember what's happening, re-read the first chapter.  
  
Momiji sat outside for awhile, waiting for Hiro, Kisa, and the bunny I feel like naming Toucan Sam to come back from their little umbrella trip. "Hmm," he squealed. "I'm bored.I should do something for fun until those fugitives come back. I know! I'll go find Kyo!" So Momiji shpiggled away to find Kyo.  
  
Kyo was lounging in front of the boob tube with a bored expression on his face when Momiji shpiggled in and squealed, "Hiya Kyo! Whatcha watching?"  
  
Kyo quickly changed the channel from My Little Pony to the nearest channel when Momiji shpiggled in. "Um." Kyo looked at the screen, ".football," he said, even though he was SO obviously enjoying My Little Pony a second ago.  
  
"Wow, Kyo, I didn't know you liked football! I've got an idea! Let's get some other Sohmas on a team and let's play!" Momiji squealed.  
  
Kyo agreed just to show he was manly, but really he didn't know the first thing about football! DUN DUN DUN!  
  
"I'll choose the people for the teams," Momiji squealed and he ran off to find everybody. Actually, Momiji didn't have the slightest idea of how many people are on a football team but oh well. He'd find the best of the best football players!  
  
Meanwhile, Hiro, Kisa, and Toucan Sam were on the ground heading back to Sohma House when Akito's birdy darted over their heads and out of sight.  
  
"W-what was that Hiro?" asked Kisa, her voice shaking.  
  
"I don't know," Hiro replied, "But I think it was a UFO."  
  
Kisa gasped. "A UFO? And it's heading right toward Sohma House! We've got to warn the others!"  
  
Back at Sohma house, Momiji had gathered the teams.  
  
"Um, Momiji, why is Akito playing?" asked Kyo.  
  
"What's wrong with that? You say that like Akito's evil," squealed Momiji.  
  
Kyo looked over at Akito, who was burning ladybugs with a magnifying glass and laughing at their expense. "Uh." Kyo said.  
  
Momiji smiled. "Don't worry, Kyo, I only gathered the best players. Akito's really good, he punted me out the window like a champion!"  
  
SO THE GAME OF FOOTBALL BEGAN! I'll tell you the teams:  
  
The Shishkebab team consisted of Yuki, Momiji, Rin, Kureno, and Kyo. The Stitch-Eyed Grandma team consisted of Haru, Kagura, Akito, Shigure, and Ayame.  
  
"Let the game begin," Hatori said monotonously, cuz he's the referee. Not really knowing what to do, he threw the football into the game. It just.sat there in the middle of the field. Hatori sighed. "Is there anyone here that knows how to play this game?"  
  
Shigure blurted out, "I think you just pass the ball to your teammates and try to get to the opposite side of the field without getting get tackled by the other team, and if you achieve this, Hatori yells TOUCHDOWN!"  
  
"That sounds easy enough," said Rin. So she decided she would start. She ran with the ball headed toward the opposite end of the field. But Shigure got in the way so she passed it to Kureno. Kureno ran with the ball then realized that AKITO DIDN'T HAVE THE BALL! so he threw it to Akito.  
  
"Why did you do that? Akito's not on our team!" Rin screamed at the top of her lungs like Varuca Salt, then just to add to the Wonkaness she screamed, "I want an Oompa-Loompa now!" Which resulted in everyone staring at her of course.  
  
Akito stared at the football he was holding. Little did the world know, Akito was terrified of walruses! AND THAT BALL LOOKED LIKE A WALRUS FOR SOME REASON! So he threw the ball down the field away from him and Kagura caught it. She ran toward the end zone or whatever it's called but then saw Kyo on the opposite side of the field and ran toward him. "KYO! YOU MUST HAVE THIS BALL!" she shrieked as she kicked it right into Kyo's face.  
  
Sadly, Kyo's nose fell off from the impact. Just kidding. It just disappeared for a few seconds like anime noses sometimes do. Kagura forgot that noses do that so she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Good lord! Kyo's nose is missing!" And then everyone's nose disappeared! NOOOOOOO!  
  
For some reason, everyone forgot that their noses disappear daily, so they screamed like ninnies and ran around in circles. Then Ayame sweatdropped a HUMUNGADUNGA sweatdrop that almost covered half his head. Everyone stared at Ayame's sweatdrop and screamed, forgetting that sweatdrops are another anime characteristic. Ayame picked up the sweatdrop and hurtled it across the field. "TOUCHDOWN!" Hatori yelled.  
  
Akito thought there was too much loud noise and confusion going on, and he got mad. Which means, one of those big floating vein-thingies that twitch appeared above his head. Momiji screamed and pointed at the anger- thingy and hurtled it across the field too. "TOUCHDOWN!" Hatori yelled.  
  
Hatori, who's NEVER gotten chibified or lost a nose or sweatdropped or had an anger-thingy, decided this had gone too far. So he calmed everyone down and assured them this behavior was normal, and that it was nothing to worry about. Everything was calm and peaceful after that until Hiro and Kisa suddenly appeared out of nowhere panting.  
  
"W.we.we saw a UFO." said Hiro, trying to catch his breath. "And it's headed this way!"  
  
Momiji came out of the shadows that never existed and put his say on this theory. "A UFO, you say? Well, this could pose as a threat. Do you know what UFO stands for?" he squealed mysteriously, if it's possible to squeal mysteriously.  
  
"Uh." said Kisa, ".Unidentified Flying Object?"  
  
"Wrong!" Momiji squealed in reply, "It stands for Uncooked Fishtail Orchestra! This means we are about to be assaulted by raw fishtails playing violins! We are certainly doomed."  
  
Everyone stood there for a minute and blinked, then burst out laughing. What ridiculous ideas Momiji had! They snickered a bit then resumed their game of football.  
  
Momiji didn't understand why they didn't believe him. They should be running for their lives and hiding from these horrible fishtails that are soon to show Judgment Day to the Sohma family!  
  
He scanned the area, looking for some convenient item that could be used as a weapon to destroy the UFOs. He scratched his chin a bit, then noticed something! If you follow Momiji's gaze, it heads to the shovel! A shovel would be an excellent weapon! "Hold on, Miss Author," Momiji squealed to me, "I'm not looking at the shovel, I'm looking past it!" Well, forgive me. If you follow his gaze BEYOND the MYSTERIOUS BEYOND (and the shovel) you will see it go straight toward...a blender? Now what could he possibly do with THAT?  
  
"Well," Momiji said to ME, because he has a reason to talk to ME and not YOU, so don't get all jealous that Momiji isn't speaking to YOU, "I'm going to shmoosh the livin' dickens out of the UFOs with this blender! They'll be sorry they ever messed with THIS rabbit!" he squealed, even though they never really DID mess with him.  
  
Now, for all of you needing a little bit of Omake Theater, this is it! Blue Seed style! Okay, not really, in other words, while all this is happening, something ELSE is happening in the Sohma House kitchen.  
  
An old fat lunchlady squilched the beans from a bottle onto the burrito. She sneezed, her boogers flying all over the burrito, but she didn't care. The Sohmas underpaid her anyway, why should she NOT blow her gruesome snot into their food? The lady's name was Toia. Now that last sentence probably doesn't matter a bit to you, but it does for me because my school lunchlady's name is Toia. So ANYWAYS, Toia wrapped the burrito in aluminum wrap and stuck it in the fridge, moving onto the next entrée. Now finally, this was her time to make her OWN meal, after all that hard work of making burritos. (pantpant) She decided to celebrate this wondrous time of her making food so she flung out her violin and started GROOVIN'. To the violin. Which is hard to groove to for most peeople, but not for our amazing Toia of course! She grooved like she meant it! Toia's younger assistant Mary rolled her eyes at her and continued with her kitchen work. She pulled some fish out of the freezer and unwrapped it carefully, walking over to Toia who was still groovin' with the fire of a thousand suns. Ironically, just as Mary was walking by her, Toia went into Absolute Bust-A- Move mode, where she spun around in circles waving her arms around madly and singing in a high-pitched Barry Gibb voice. One of Toia's flailing arms slapped the fish out of Mary's hands, and also the violin out of her own. The raw fish flew out the window, followed by the Bust-A-Move Toia violin, and they passed a tree, which cut off the body and head of the fish until it was just a tail flying through the air. The violin and fishtail headed straight toward Momiji, who was fondling his beloved blender in a naughty un-Momiji-like manner. End of Omake Theater.  
  
Momiji was startled when he realized a fishtail with a violin was hurtling right toward his head! He jumped out of the way, in slow motion, with the deep slow barely-understandable voice, but TO NO AVAIL! The fishtail and its violin still plunked him right on the head! OH NO! Momiji was utterly flabberghasted. "That's it, no more Mister Nice Bun-Bun!" he squealed, unsheathing his blender. The fishtail lied on the floor, motionless. Obviously a sly tactic, Momiji though to himself. But it won't fool me! And with that, Momiji attacked the fishtail AND the violin with his blender, sending the tail splashing and splooshing through the blender's stomach, with a sickening sound like when you walk through mud at Tennant Lake. "Haha! Detective Momiji reigns victorious!" Momiji squealed dangerously, which is REALLY hard to do unless you're Momiji.  
  
With the UFO destroyed forever, Momiji sighed, a huge burden off his back. Now he could focus on his real mission: To find out who pooped that poop! While he was pondering the question, the rest of the Sohmas came to Momiji panting. "We've played our game of football so long, we're really tired now..." Kyo said, and then he noticed the blenderful of fishtail and violin and that just brightened up his day. "Hey, Momiji, we're so parched, can we have some of that smoothie you made?" He had no idea what it was made of but oh well. Anything would do.  
  
"Okay!" Momiji squealed, smiling widely, as he distributed his fishtail and violin smoothies to all the thirsty Sohmas. Everyone started drinking their smoothies and were so happiful! ^_^ THE END...NO IT'S NOT THE END! THERE'S STILL A BUNCH MORE CHAPPIES AFTER THIS!!! And everyone stared at the Narrator like she's crazy for yelling up at the sky "The End" and then arguing with herself. 


	3. A Big Blueberry and Yuki's True Form

DISCLAIMER: I don't own this, kama lama shubi bubi shabi da bop da bop! I don't own any other registered thingys that come into my story.  
  
Okay, I'll try to work on this one through and through! I tell you, I write too many fics, but I'm having fun with this one! Oooh, and lotsa good feedback!  
  
The sun was setting behind the mountains, and SOMETHING didn't feel right to Momiji. Maybe it was because of all those fishtail smoothies he had drunk, maybe not, but whatever it was, it didn't feel right. Ooh, maybe I'm getting closer to solving the mystery! Momiji thought, pacing back and forth overenthusiastically, with his arms flying in every direction and his eyes rolling back in his head. "I smell a rat.." He squealed.  
  
"Maybe because I'm here," Yuki said, doing that annoying voice that sounds like he's sighing that he likes to do to Kyo but TODAY he wants to rudely ultra-sigh at Momiji for a number of ultra-sighing reasons.  
  
"Oh hello Yuki!" squealed Momiji, stopping his 'pacing'. Then Momiji asked in his squealish voice, "Yuki, why do you do your annoying ultra-sigh voice? It's weird."  
  
"What are you talking about?" Yuki said in his ultra-sigh voice.  
  
"HA!" squealed Momiji, "You did it AGAIN!"  
  
"Well, I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about, but you know, you squeal too much."  
  
"There's no such thing as squealing too much!" the rabbit boy squealed back.  
  
"And there's no such thing as an ultra-sigh," Yuki said, shooting a glare towards the Narrator for ever coming up with such a word. And the Narrator stuck her tongue out at Yuki because she HATES Yuki, and I apologize to those Yuki fans, but I think I may turn this into a murder case in which the pooper-culprit assassinates Yuki. "You will not!" Yuki said, stuffing the Narrator into a cardboard box and throwing it into a bush. The Narrator laid an egg in that box cuz she's a CHICKEN!! HAHAHAHA! MOVE OVER KURENO!!! HAHAHAHA!  
  
Momiji blinked at the Narrator who claims herself as a Riceball and a Chicken at the same time, then turned to Yuki. "Yuki, did YOU lay that pile of poop?"  
  
Yuki lifted an eyebrow and did the ultra-sigh thingy, "No, Momiji, I have no reason for squatting down in the middle of the road and um...pooping.."  
  
"That's whatcha WANT me to think, but I know you're the criminal!" Momiji squealed.  
  
Yuki blinked at Momiji's stupidity. "But Momiji, I thought you were after Hiro, Kisa, and that rabbit you named Toucan Sam!"  
  
Momiji stared awestruck at Yuki. "Hey.how did YOU know I was after them and that I named that rabbit Toucan Sam, hmm?" he squealed.  
  
"Because.I've been watching you." Yuki ultra-sighed mysteriously.  
  
"What? How? Why?" squealed Momiji, discovering a new clue BY THE SECOND!!!!!!!  
  
Yuki smirked eviiiiiiillllllllyyyyyy. "Because, I am none other than." He tore off his head, "GANDALF!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
Momiji stared at the old man that stood smirking evilly at him in Yuki's clothes and screamed. Then.he woke up.  
  
Momiji sat up. A dream? He looked around. He was on the floor in Hatori's office. There was no scary Gandalf with an evil smirk, but all the Sohmas were lying passed out on the floor, with swirley Kenshin eyes. Except for Hatori.  
  
Hatori was doing something doctor-ish at his desk. He noticed Momiji was awake but didn't really care. "What happened, Ha'ri?" Momiji squealed as he poked Haru's swirley Kenshin eye to see what would happen. Haru, being the dazed person he is, did not twitch, much less awaken.  
  
"Those smoothies you handed out. They made everybody pass out.What did you put in those things?" Hatori asked.  
  
"UFOs," Momiji squealed in reply, thinking Hatori would fully understand that, which he didn't.  
  
"Okay," the Seapony said, although he had no idea what Momiji meant.  
  
Momiji got up nervously. There was a queasy feeling clutching at his stomach. "I don't feel so good, Ha'ri." he squealed. He glanced over at the picture of Kana, actually egotistically staring at his own reflection as opposed to the lovely girl in the photograph. It was then that he realized HE WAS TURNING BLUE!!!  
  
"Ha'ri! HA'RI! I'm turning BLUE!" Momiji squealed anxiously.  
  
Hatori stood up. "Are you all right? Can you breathe?" he asked, TRYING to sound worried, but of course that's IMPOSSIBLE for him cuz he's so.MONOTONOUS.  
  
"Yes, I'm breathing just fine! But I'm still turning blue!" squealed Momiji in reply. Suddenly he started bloating up like a balloon. "AAAAAAH!" Momiji squealed in a screaming voice. "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BLUEBERRY!"  
  
Hatori was writing in his notebook and not even paying attention to Momiji. "Now why would you be turning into a blueberry?" he asked, rolling his eyes.err EYE!!!! THAT CYCLOPS MAN!! HOW DARE HE APPEAR IN MY CHILDREN'S STORY!! NOW ALL MY YOUNG READERS WILL BE SO SCARED OF HIS ONE-EYEBALLNESS THEY'LL STOP READING!! Stupid Ha'ri.  
  
Finally Hatori looked over at Momiji and what he saw made him pee his pants. Momiji WAS turning into a blueberry!  
  
"Help me Ha'ri!" Momiji squealed, getting bigger and bluer by the second. "Have the oompa-loompas take me to the Squeezing Room Ha'ri! PLEASE HELP!"  
  
Hatori would've helped (I think) but NOOOO, cuz he just ran off into the bathroom to change his pee-soggy pants. "HATORI!!!!" Momiji squealed at the top of his lungs.  
  
Then Yuki ran in.  
  
"Momiji!" he shouted. "Are you all right? What's happening to you?!"  
  
"I'm turning into a blueberry!" The blueberry that was once Momiji Sohma squealed.  
  
"Don't worry! I'll save you!" said Yuki, taking on a very disturbing superhero tone. He hurried over to Momiji the blueberry.  
  
Momiji screamed and freaked out, kicking his stubby legs and trying to get away, but by now he was a big FLOATING blueberry, so he couldn't. "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"  
  
Yuki blinked, puzzled. "What? I'm trying to save you Momiji," he said in his half-superhero half-girly-Yuki voice. "Now hold still."  
  
"NO!" squealed Momiji in fright. "YOU'RE NOT YUKI! YOU'RE THAT OLD MAN GANDALF FROM THE LORD OF THE RINGS!"  
  
"I am not," Yuki replied. "Why would I be Gandalf when I'm really"-he takes off his head---"FRODO!!!"  
  
Momiji screamed and suddenly exploded. His delicious blueberry juice splattered all over the floor. "FRODO!!!!" He was no longer a blueberry now that he had exploded, so he scampered out the door. No, he didn't scamper. He was on all fours and bounding across the Sohma estate like the little Scottie dogs on Zelda that freak me out. Except he was faster and not as hairy.  
  
Eventually he came to the big main house thingy, so he ran inside, locked the door, and was now AWAY FROM THE WORLD!! Then, he realized something.Hatori could very well be the pooper. The Narrator's reason for thinking Hatori could be the pooper is because he peed his pants at the sight of a blueberry, so he must have a limited amount of bladder control. Momiji's reason is because he's the Year of the Seahorse and seaponies can't poop as big as humans can so he decided to show everyone that he CAN poop big when he's a human.  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Val: Alright I finally updated! Yeah, I know, it took me, FOREVER! R/R peez! 


	4. A Sohma Family Christmas

*SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CHAPPY MEANT TO GET YOU ALL INTO THE HOLIDAY SEASON AND BECOME MADLY INFATUATED WITH THAT TINY CHARLIE-BROWN CHRISTMAS TREE*  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own Fruits Basket in NO WAY. But I DO own a Christmas tree, which has inspired me to write this chapter of...THE FAST AND THE FLUBBERY!!! Okay, let's begin. And, remember, Christmas trees are your friends!  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
An amount of time passed. I never clarified what time of the year it was in previous chapters, but NOW I say it was winter. So..THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT HAS COME TO THE SOHMA FAMILY!!! Everybody is busy busy busy with the coming holiday, especially Hatori, who has to manage ALL the family finances since Akito-san is still an itty-bitty shrimp who can barely talk! Okay, he can talk, but he's still too young to do the bills! So Hatori is quite busyful.  
  
Saying a few naughty-naughty Mr. Seaponeh words, he scribbled out a note he had written on a sheet of blank paper. "Well, that's expensive." I don't see WHY he said that though. After all, it doesn't matter how expensive ANYTHING is if you're a SOHMA..Hn. Stupid spoiled rich family who are probably stinky Republicans. Wait, they're Japanese. Never mind. ANYWAYS..  
  
As Hatori erased the memory from the paper that it ever had words on it so he didn't have to waste any more of his precious pink eraser, Momiji burst through the door. "HATORI SOHMA!" he squealed loudly, "I'VE CAUGHT YOU RED- HANDED!"  
  
Hatori quickly erased the memory from Momiji that he had ever walked in on him while he had tomato juice for some reason drenched all over his hands. "Uh...what were you saying Momiji?" he asked.  
  
Momiji pointed his quivering finger at the Seapony-Man. "I KNOW YOU POOPED THAT POOP HATORI! IT HAD TO BE YOU!"  
  
"Why me?" Hatori asked, lifting his unseen eyebrow.  
  
"BECAUSE YOU TRANSFORM INTO A SEAHORSE!" replied Momiji squealishly, as if that made any sense whatsoever.  
  
"Well I didn't. I'm too busy to have time for your silly games now, Momiji, so please leave."  
  
That answer wasn't good enough for lil old bunneh boy. So lil old bunneh boy decided to change the subject. Even though that really doesn't help lil old bunneh boy's mystery-solving at all and it just drags out this already-pointless story.  
  
Momiji began his sentence. "So, Ha'ri, Christmas is coming up and.."  
  
"No." Hatori immediately responded. "I know what you're about to say. You want to dress me up in a Santa Claus suit." He considered it. "I don't like the idea," he added flatly.  
  
Momiji giggled squealingly. "I wasn't gonna say that, but that's a great idea! Okay, Hatori, you're Santa Claus!" And with that remark, he zoomed it to Christmas Eve somehow and put Hatori in a Santa suit, made especially for him by the great Ayame.  
  
"Hmmm..." Ayame hmmmed. "Perhaps I should add some more frills and lace, na?"  
  
So he did.  
  
And Hatori was a very frilly and lacey Santa Claus. With a scepter. Cuz Santa with a kick-ass scepter would be cool. And make him a member of the CIA. So now we have our Secret Agent Seahorse Santa! (or just SASS for short)  
  
"Wow, Hatori, you look SASSy!" Momiji squealed pun-ishly.  
  
"What..how did I end up in this.." Hatori wondered as he examined his ridiculous outfit. BUT..little did the world know...Hatori ENJOYED being a Secret Agent Seahorse Santa! It suited him! But of course he would NEVER tell anyone that.  
  
"Now I think we need reindeer," squealed Momiji. So he ran off to find the real Santa, put him in a bag, give him to Jack Skellington, and steal his reindeer fiendishly.  
  
Soon enough the entire reindeer crew was at the Sohma estate! Whee! And then Akito appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"I WANT TO BE A REINDEER NOW!" he shouted like that spoiled little rich Varuca Salt girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. And when Momiji denied access to the principle of Akito being a reindeer, he curled up into a little ball and cried like a bebbeh. So Momiji rolled his eyes and duct-taped Akito to the back of the reindeer so he was on his backside staring up at the sky. "Yay! This is like so totally awesome!" Akito said in a scary surfer voice like the Akitos on my music video as he stared unblinking up at the night sky. With his mouth open. So it's like Akito duct-taped to the back of a reindeer (Cupid) on his back staring up with a face like this :D except with bigger eyes cuz it's an ANIME and animes are like ( (o) )_( (o) )  
  
Hatori attached all the reindeer to his sleigh and sat atop the seat with a full bag of toys behind him. In that boring calm Hatori voice he said, "On Dasher. On Dancer. On Prancer and Vixen. On Comet. On Cupid. On Donner and Blitzen."  
  
"HEY!" Kagura screamed cuz now the entire Sohma family is here. "THAT'S NOT FAIR FOR VIXEN AND BLITZEN! HOW COME YOU SAY "ON" BEFORE EVERY OTHER REINDEER BUT NOT THEM! THEY MUST FEEL SO UNLOVED BECAUSE YOU MAKE THEM SHARE AN "ON" WITH ANOTHER REINDEER! YOU HORRIBLE VIRTUELESS PERSON!"  
  
Everyone stood there and blinked at Kagura for a moment, then they duct- taped her to the back of Dasher and she fell silent.  
  
"I'm lonely and I feel like an Egyptian dude," Akito declared randomly.  
  
"Awww, poor Akito's lonely," Momiji squealed, "I know! He needs a traveling partner!" And with that, Momiji duct-taped Yuki to the reindeer opposite from Akito, which was only about four feet away.  
  
Akito turned his head from the night sky to Yuki and did an evil smile that needed an evil cackle to go with it. "Yuuuuuuuukiiiiiiiii" he said, while Yuki screamed and kicked his reindeer to go the opposite direction. Then Akito kicked his reindeer to go the same direction Yuki went. "Hurry up Comet!" Yuki said, desperate to escape his dooooooom. But Comet was an old reindeer, so he slid slowly sideways while Akito's Cupid pranced..err..bounded towards him like those little Scottie dogs on Zelda except Cupid was smiling with a huge smile.  
  
I'll give you some time to imagine Yuki's point of view. He's laying on his side atop Comet while another reindeer Cupid, is bounding towards him with a face like this ^__________________^ and Akito's also on that reindeer, so Akito is coming toward him with a face like this ^________________^ and..yeah. Scary. It was also kinda worse when SASS had to go to the bathroom so he gave his reindeer-whip to Akito to hold until he got back. Oh well. We'll leave those two to themselves.  
  
Meanwhile, Kagura was ranting again about the rights of the reindeer, and that it wasn't fair that Blitzen was at the end of the line just because his name rhymes with Vixen. Which it doesn't, she added. Blitzen does NOT rhyme with Vixen.  
  
Eventually, Hatori came back and removed his whip from Akito's hands that wouldn't....let....go! of it. "Alright enough with this I'm tired of being Santa." He said and he tore off all his clothes (heheh his santa clothes don't worry he's not nakey! This is rated PG and I don't have a little black censor-bar!)  
  
"Awwwww" squealed Momiji. "That wasn't very fun. You didn't travel around in your sleigh giving toys to people!"  
  
"Oh well," our lil Secret Agent Seahorse Santa replied. "Maybe next year."  
  
"Oh suuure," the Narrator said, "like Hatori would just suddenly be a hyper person who WANTS to wear a Santa suit next year. Bah humbug." Then all the Sohmas gasped at the profanity of such a phrase on Christmas and they threw the Narrator out the window.  
  
A Christmas dinner party started. A table was set out and everybody sat down in their chairs with a big plate of food before them. Everyone was all happy and cheerful. Except Yuki. Who was indeed very nervous being stared at by Akito the entire time. Momiji decided to start up a conversation. He turned to Hatori.  
  
"Hatori.." Momiji squealed.  
  
"Yes? What is it, Momiji?" Replied Hatori.  
  
"Uhm.." The bunny began, "I noticed something."  
  
"What?"  
  
"In episode eight, you said 'Often time in memories we tend to overromanticize the people we care about'. So...does that mean that...all your visions of Kana were overromantic? Does that mean Kana was really a fat old hag with one eyeball and stitches all over her arm but you didn't realize it?"  
  
Hatori blinked.  
  
"I mean, think about it, in the Lakehouse episode, Ayame gives you those wedding pictures of Kana but you didn't open them. BECAUSE IF THE PICTURES WERE SHOWN IT WOULD PROVE KANA'S TRUE FORM!!! Kana, that ugly hideous beast that you've been telling us was beautiful," squealed Momiji.  
  
"But you've seen her yourself," said Hatori.  
  
"NO EXCUSES HATORI!!!" Momiji squealed. "It's like that movie Shallow Hal. He thought the girl was beautiful in his own mind, but she was really this big ugly thingy!"  
  
"Are you trying to say Kana was a big ugly thingy?" asked Hatori monotonously.  
  
"PRECISELY!" Momiji squealed enthusiastically. "You were overromanticizing her. I'll bet she was really ugly."  
  
Hatori blinked and lifted a photograph of Kana from out of his pocket. "Uhm..here's proof. Look, see, it was taken by a camera. She is NOT a big ugly thingy."  
  
Momiji screamed. "So you have CAMERAS working on your side, eh Ha'ri?! I knew something was fishy from the start. You manipulated the cameras' minds into editing the photograph after its been taken. BUT I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR PLAN MISTER!!!"  
  
"I don't manipulate cameras," Hatori responded calmly, and then he decided this conversation was VERY weird so he started talking to Ritsu who was sitting next to him on the other side about disemboweling teddy bears. Ritsu listened veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery intently.  
  
"You make me want a teddy bear for Christmas," Ritsu said to Ha'ri.  
  
"Why?" the seaponeh asked, "So you can disembowel it?"  
  
"I AM SO SORRY! GOMENASAI!" Ritsu screamed, jumping into the stuffing cuz monkeys BELONG in stuffing.  
  
While Hatori wondered about why in the world Ritsu was apologizing for wanting to disembowel a teddy bear and why he had just jumped facefirst into the stuffing, Momiji walked outside for a little breather from all the chaos indoors.  
  
The chilly wind blew across his rosy pink cheeks. He smiled, loving the fact that it was a lovely Christmas Eve night and it was snowing and everyone was happy and there was one of those little snowmen from Kirby doing the tango with Kureno far in the distance.  
  
Momiji squealed with excitement. Then he remembered his mystery! "Oh no! I've been having so much fun, I forgot all about it!" So he decided he'd calculate whom he already knew wasn't the culprit. This is his list of who is NOT the pooper. (drawn ENTIRELY in human blood he found inside a bottle in Tohru's room)  
  
Akito Toucan Sam the Rabbit Kisa Hiro Yuki Hatori  
  
Even though he had NO proof that ANY of these people AREN'T the pooper, oh well. He thought to himself, wondering who in the world it could be. He gasped. "KYO!!" he squealed, feeling like he had just figured out the mystery even though he hadn't.  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Val: Alriiiiiiiiight! I updated that one purdy fast, ne? WELL OKEYDOKEY FOLKS ! I'll continue next chapter soon! Ja ne! ^^ 


	5. The EggWithAFreakishRockOnTopOfIt Cleans...

DISCLAIMER: Fuuuuuuruuuuuuuuuutsuuuuu Baaaaaaskeeeeeeeettooooooo doooooooooooooessssssss nooooooooooooot beeeeeeeeeeeeloooooooooooooong toooooooooooo meeeeeeeeeeee. Iiiiiiiiiit beeeeeeeelooooooooongssssss toooooooo Taaaaaakaaaaaaaayaaaaaaaa Naaaaaaatsuuuuuukiiiiiiii. Gooooooooooooot iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?  
  
Val: And so, a new chapter is UP. At last. And thanks to all my reviewers, without you guys, I would probably say "This is the dumbest thing ever!" and throw my fic in a garbage can. Well, it IS the dumbest thing ever and a total waste of precious time, but I'm proud of it for some reason and won't throw it away. ^_^  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
The next morning, Momiji slid all the way to Kyo's house (everyone lives at the Sohma estate in this for some reason so shut up) He slid veeeery slowly, and his many gallant king-like robes gently stroked the ground. I don't know why Momiji is wearing these, but oh well. They make him feel sexy. Uh..let him feel that way about himself.  
  
He opened the door, being "sexy" the entire time. "Kyo! I'm here to arrest you!"  
  
Kyo jumped up startled and hurriedly put some clothes on. "AAAHHH I DIDN'T DROWN THAT BOY!!!"  
  
Momiji smiled deviously, ignoring Kyo's comment and the naked Yuki he had shoved under the blankets. ( wheeeeee yaoi is fun! XD) "You HAVE to be the one who pooped that poop, Kyo! I know it was you!"  
  
Kyo got those mad eyes that are all white and watermelon-slice-shaped and stuff. The author resisted the temptation to eat them. Aw man, they look so juicy! "HOW DID YOU CONCLUDE THAT?!! WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVER POOP FOR NO APPARENT REASON IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND N--"  
  
Then my Caps Lock button broke in half, since Kyo was pummeling it so hard. He could've just pushed it ONCE, but NOOOO, he had to turn it off and on every time he typed a letter. And now it's broken.  
  
"oh my god.." Kyo said. "what am I gonna do? my caps lock key is broken." He started bawling really loud like Baby Mario on Yoshi's Island (which is REALLY annoying if you've ever played that on SNES) right then and there.  
  
Then the narrator appeared and patted Kyo on the back. "It's okay..you know, I NEVER use the Caps Lock button. I hold down the Shift key. ^^ "  
  
Kyo bawled as if he would die wthout his Shift key. "FINE!" he screamed and ran away.  
  
Momiji just stood there blinking for awhile. Like, for hours and hours. And blinking every second on the second. It was nighttime by the time he stopped. "That was weird," he finally squealed, in a freakish Robot Jones voice for some reason.  
  
The little Rabbit Boy wandered aimlessly around the dark estate. He passed houses and trees and gardens and Kisa shooting up drugs. But only one thing was on his mind. Who pooped that poop?  
  
So he decided to go back to the scene of the crime.  
  
He arrived at the spot where the poop was usually sitting, glowering with a heavenly glow and little angels flying around it playing golden harps. But it wasn't there.  
  
"HOLY SHIT!" Momiji squealed very un-momiji-ish-ly. "THE POOP IS GONE!"  
  
"Perhaps it is my doing.." a creepy unknown voice drawled.  
  
Momiji pivoted on the spot all dramatic-like, and the camera zoomed in on his eyes, which flickered back and forth like they do on stupid cliched horror movies. Jaws music played in the background.  
  
"Who..who are you?" the Rabbit squealed all dramatically.  
  
It started to rain.  
  
"It is I.." A person stepped out from amongst the shadows.  
  
Momiji gasped in horror. "Kazuma!"  
  
And there he was. The source of all evil, the most deadly of the deadly, and even more vicious than Vicious himself, was standing right in front of Momiji.  
  
"Yeah, it was in the way, and it smelled horribly, so I cleaned it up," Kazuma said, smiling.  
  
Momiji gasped and took a step backward. "You..you monster..." he squealed, breathing hard.  
  
"What's wrong Momiji?" asked Kazuma puzzledly.  
  
Momiji suddenly clutched his chest in pain. He moaned awfully. "The evil! It's too strong! My heart can't handle it!"  
  
Kazuma lifted an eyebrow, confused. "What are you talking about Momiji?"  
  
The Rabbit stared at the uh...egg with a freakish rock on top of it?...in fear. "I know what you're planning..just..don't hurt me! Please! I have a wife and children!"  
  
Kazuma blinked. "You do?"  
  
"Yes! I do!" Momiji squealed, removing from his pocket that wasn't there a second ago one of those unfolding photograph thingys with a billion pictures. "See..there's my wife Burma.and my two daughters Bangladesh and Taiwan.."  
  
Kazuma squinted at the pictures. "But those are mutant squids from the Freak Zoo."  
  
Tears spilt forth dramatically from Momiji's forehead..err...eyes. "I don't care what they look like! They're my family!"  
  
"But I'm your family too, you know." Kazuma sighed.  
  
"No! Stop manipulating my mind! You wicked creation of evil empire!" Momiji backed up, and searched desperately for a weapon even though Kazuma was just standing there being all egg-with-a-freakish-rock-on-top-of-it-ish. ( that IS his symbol you know..)  
  
Momiji picked up a blade. A very dangerous blade. A blade so powerful it could only be..a blade of grass.  
  
"You'd better get back! I'm warning you!" he squealed, wiggling the blade of grass back and forth threateningly.  
  
Suddenly Kyo burst forth from a house and headed at hedgehog-speed (that's FAST) straight toward Kazuma, with a naked Yuki calling "Come back!" from the door.  
  
"Not now Yuki! I'll doodle with you some more later!" Kyo yelled back.  
  
Kazuma prepared for the impact of Kyo-on-Shishou. Actually, he didn't. He just saw Kyo for the very first time in fifteen minutes. "I haven't seen you in so long, Kyo!" he said happily, saying the word Kyo in that annoying way he always says it.  
  
That fancy music I can't remember the name of played in the background with orange shoujo bubbles as Kyo and Kazuma ran towards each other in slowmotion. Actually, it wasn't playing. Akito was yodeling it in the shower. He sings so loud the entire estate could hear it. Oh well. It fits the moment. ^^  
  
Ignoring the fact that the narrator just snuck off to peek at Akito in the shower, Kazuma and Kyo jumped into each other's arms. The music went on, and they smiled all ^_^ like.  
  
"I've missed you so much within the fifteen minutes we've been apart it isn't even funny!" Kyo cooooooed (yes, Kyo just COOED o.O)  
  
"Yes, I've missed you too, Kyo" Kazuma cooooed back.  
  
They stood there all hugging each other and stuff with orange shoujo bubbles and sparklies and stuff and yodeling in the background when suddenly Kazuma screamed in pain. All the bubbles popped and Akito stopped yodeling and the sparklies went out for a night on the town.  
  
"WHAT'S THE MATTER?!" Kyo asked worriedly.  
  
"MY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" Kazuma screeched and started running around in circles rubbing his tummy and patting his head. "AAAUGH MY BACK!!! YOU BROKE MY BACK KYO!!!! AAUGH!!"  
  
And with that, he ran away.  
  
"Wait, Shishou!" Kyo yelled and ran after him.  
  
Momiji just kinda stood there in the rain for awhile, not quite sure of what had happened. But for some reason it was sad and angsty. So he fell to his knees and wailed. With the rain pouring down on him. And the camera all zoomed in from above and then it zooms out and far far far away like it does on Mulan and stuff.  
  
Then Momiji got over it and went inside for some nice fresh hot cocoa.  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Akito: Hello there. I am going to put in the little last words for today, because I locked Val in a closet for peeping in on me in the shower. T_T Uh...what do I say now?  
  
Guy Named Bob: *gives akito the script thingy*  
  
Akito: *reads kinda slowly like they always do on cartoons for some reason* "Please read and review, I anticipate your feedback." Wait a second, NO! I don't anticipate feedback! This is a stupid story, it doesn't deserve any! I will not allow any reviews!  
  
Bob: But the author won't write if she doesn't get reviews.  
  
Akito: Exactly! We don't want her to write! She's a stupid stupid stupid stupid..uh..person! *has a temper tantrum*  
  
Bob: Shhh, no, don't call her names! She could be listening! What if she puts you in some freakish situation in the next chapter?! Like yaoi with Yuki or something?!  
  
Akito: That's good!  
  
Bob: ..  
  
Akito: ..uh..I mean...oh no! That would be disgusting! *cough cough*  
  
Bob: ...yeah..so anyways, please review people, and if you don't, I'll send Ayame on you. Yes, and Ayame has a sledgehammer.  
  
Ayame: ALYSSA WHERE ARE YOU?! *hack hack*  
  
Akito: Byebye poke an eye. ^^ 


	6. When The Sohmas Take Over My Fic

DISCLAIMER: There may have been some pain today, and although the scars of yesterday remain, Fruits Basket doesn't belong to me.  
  
Val: I finally got out of that closet folks! Sheezus it's dark in there! Okay, now, onto the story!  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUShigure: STOP!   
  
Akito: Aww, but I was just getting to the good part!  
  
Yuki: No you weren't..O_O  
  
Ayame: Myyyy turn! ^^  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
Ayame, the handsome smart perfect sexy strong creative clever wise brave sincere tailor, took Akito and put him somewhere else. He saw Yuki was troubled, (Akito: HE WASN'T TROUBLED THOUGH!!) so he did something uh..brotherly. Yuki felt much better and he got a better bond with his brother, the wonderful person that he is. I'm talknig about Ayame, not Yuki. Then Ayame asked Yuki if he'd let him try on some of his latest fashions on Tohru, and Yuki said "Of course!" smiling, and so Tohru was all dressed up like in pretty ribbons and such. Then Shigure came and---  
  
Hiro: This story's lame. Let me tell you how it's done.  
  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
  
Hiro came and kiled Tohru cuz shes justa stoopid idoit who cant even spel. Kisa was their and she was looking vary butifel. Hiro smilled at her and gave her a tedy bare. Kisa loved it vary much She huged Hiro and said Thank you hiro I love you so much. And then---  
  
Shigure: For someone who tries to act so grown-up, he sure can't spell.  
  
Hiro: Who asked you, Dog...  
  
Kisa: I'll go on from here, Hiro. ^^  
  
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK  
  
The pretty sun was out and it wasn't dark anymore. There were pretty birds flying all over the place, chirping. And there were pretty flowers growing up from the pretty ground. And everything was pretty. Kisa Sohma ate a pretty piece of spaghetti ( Kyo: Wtf?!) on a pretty bench next to pretty Hiro.  
  
Hiro: ...pretty..  
  
Kureno: I want to do it now! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!  
  
Kisa: Oh, sure, Kureno! Go right ahead! ^^  
  
Kureno: YAY!  
  
KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK  
  
It was a dark and stormy night. (Kisa: But it was sunny!) Something was tickling at Kureno Sohma's mind. Literally. He giggled incontrollably and rolled off the bed he was sleeping in. "BWEE HEE HEE HEE!" he laughed oddly. What was it? This strange tickling sensation?  
  
IT WAS A FEATHER!  
  
That's right, a feather. A feather that would someday behold the doom of the human race. Like on Terminator 3. Oh, that wasn't a feather, was it? Oh well. THIS is.  
  
Kureno yawned and tried to shake the feather out of his head someh----  
  
Kyo: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?!! A FEATHER?!! WHERE DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?!!  
  
Rin: Quiet, Cat. I'll take over that fic.  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
  
Rin came in and removed the feather from Kureno's mind. With ease. Proving how good she is at things like that. ( Kyo: Things like what?!)  
  
Then she left. She headed toward Shigure's house. For she had a plan. A plan that really does exist in the manga. But nobody knows of it except me. But, since you took the time to read my fic, I shall tell it to you. My plan is-----  
  
Momiji: I DIDN'T GET A TURN!!!  
  
Rin: Momiji, you interrupted me. Don't be so rude. ANYWAYS, like I was saying, my ingenius plan is to----  
  
Momiji: THIS IS DUUUUMB!! I WANNA DO IT!!!  
  
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
  
Momiji jumped up and down excitedly. He jumped up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and---  
  
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!  
  
Momiji: But I'm not dooooone.  
  
Rin: But we KNOW what you're going to say next. You're gonna say "up and down and up and down" over and over again next!  
  
Momiji: Nuh-uh. I was gonna say "down and up and down and up" just to reverse it.  
  
Kyo: Oh God.-_-  
  
Hatori: This fic sure isn't going as smoothly as planned. I still think I should be the writer.  
  
Everyone: *starts arguing*  
  
Ritsu: You forgot lil old me.  
  
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR  
  
One fine day too good for a monkey, Sohma Ritsu who is too worthless to breathe the same air as others and shouldn't be taking up much-needed space in this world with his stupidity and uselessness and---  
  
Kyo: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Ritsu: I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE DRAGGED IT OUT SO LONG!! I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON!!! HORRIBLE!!!! GOMEN NASAI!!! I AM THE WORST!!! ABSOLUTELY THE MOST AWFUL CREATION EVER!!! I SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN!!! I AM SO USELESS!!! WHOLE FAMILY IS CURSED WITH MY PRESENCE!! I AM SO SORRY I WAS EVER BORN!! ONCE AGAIN, READERS WHO SKIPPED THIS PART BECAUSE THEY FIGURE ALL I'M GONNA SAY IS STUPID RITSU STUFF ARE MISSING OUT ON THE SPECIAL SURPRISE I'M ABOUT TO GIVE OUT!!! HERE READERS HAVE A COOKIE!!! SEE IT DOES PAY TO READ EVERYTHING!!!! GOMEN NASAI!!!! SO USELESS!!! GOMENASAI!!!!GOMEEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAASAA----  
  
Shigure: *uses the power of chi* Ta-da!  
  
Ritsu: *goes whoomph*  
  
Val: *climbs in through the bathroom window* I'm heeeeeere! Sorry I was so late, minna-san!  
  
Everyone: *pretends to be asleep*  
  
Val: Aww how cute! *takes this opportunity to cuddle with akito* ^^  
  
Akito: AAUGH!!! *eats val*  
  
Val: Wheeee! Doooooooooooooown the esooooooooooophaaaaaaaguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuSPLAT  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Val: *from within akito's small intestine* I have been turned into chyme and will soon be sent to the bladder. This is fun! Perhaps pancreatic fluids will come in handy for my escape! Review please! Oh, and don't worry, I'll go back to MY writing of the story next chapter. I just felt like doing this for a change..hey, is this soup? ..AW NASTY!!! 


End file.
